What a web we weave!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnkay/3182986643

Do I head north, south, east or west?  Do I turn left or right?  Do I go up or down?  What path do I take?  What is next?  Do I speak the truth or just simply say what I think they want to hear?  So many questions and decisions, and this at the end of what to some has been a very long week.  I guess there is never a "good" time to have to answer difficult questions.  I guess there is never a "good" time to make the difficult decisions.  Alas they will always be there, but how you handle them is what separates the haves from the have nots.

There is no denying that life has it's ups and downs.  If I were to get up on any particular day and never have to look at a situation, or make a tough decision, or better yet, answer a tough question, I think I would have died and moved on to another existence.  Sadly we will face these issues every single day, but how you face them is entirely up to you.

Honesty, in all that we do, is very much the best policy.  If one is having a bad day, why try to cover it up?  Why not just call a spade a spade and be honest with whatever you are feeling?  I think we tend to hide our emotions and feelings because to show who we really are is a sign of weakness.  On the contrary, it is nothing short of strength.  Strength of character, strength of determination, and strength of your willingness to keep moving forward even when faced with insurmountable odds.  Lets be real for a moment and realize that there are people who will take this to the extreme, but they like to play the victim and that is nothing more than manipulation.  If they can get you to feel sorry for them then there is something in it for them.  Let's forget about being the victim and instead just be you.  There may be days when you feel great and there is nothing that will stand in your way and other days will come when you have zero desire to even get out of the warm comforts of your bed.  Where you fall on this spectrum is entirely up to you.

Sir Walter Scott wrote this in his 1808 poem Marmion: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."  Oh we have learned to be deceptive, almost from the moment of our birth, and we have gotten very good at it, very good indeed.  This deception can be very subtle, but taken to the extreme it is destructive.  We have been taught as young children that children should be seen and not heard.  We have been taught to never show emotion, because this once again is a sign of weakness.  We have been taught to only speak when spoken to.  All this has done is isolate and devalue our true feelings and emotions.  Feelings and emotions mind you that are perfectly normal and quite frankly healthful.  I will tell you that the reason most people try to put the brakes on others either saying or displaying what they are truly feeling, is because it would force them to have to deal with their own emotions, and they suck at that.

If you are having a lousy day, what's wrong with saying that to someone? If you are having a struggle with something in your life, what is wrong with asking for assistance to overcome that struggle?  The only insane thing about these two situations is when you refuse not to admit them and then it really is all over but the crying.  My partner and I have a running joke about displaying patience and tolerance.  My lack of patience is normally when I am driving.  I really can't stand stupid drivers, they annoy me.  Truth be told, my impatience with them is not really them, but rather other issues that I may be dealing with and that impatience is simply manifested when I drive.  We display anger at times, not because we are angry with a current situation, but rather we are angry at something else and it simply has come to the boiling point.  Why not just stop the madness and admit you have an anger problem that was brought on by something in your past, and take the steps necessary to repair the tear in your emotions?

You can try to hide your fears, cover them up, paint them a different color, but at the end of the day, they will still be there until you tackle them head on.  You will still have to make tough decisions, either today or tomorrow, but they will still be there if you decide to bury them for the rest of the day. Why not just handle them now, and maybe it will free you up to do something different tomorrow.  It is OK to be angry, or sad.  It is normal to need solace from time to time because life has kicked you in the nut sack.  Why we can't admit these things is beyond me.  Do yourself a favor and leave your pride at the door when you come into my home.  I am not interested in the facade you may show to others, what I am interested in is who you really are.  I want to know your struggles, your weaknesses, and your fears.  If you tell me you have neither of these three things then I will call you a liar and ask you to move on your way.  It is time to come clean and admit you have struggles, after all when you can admit something, then that is the first step toward healing.

Life is grand, but when you are faced with less than optimum situations, reach out to someone and let them know how you really feel.  No more cover ups, no more "I have a handle on this", and no more denying how you really feel.   That may work with other people, but it won't work with me.  Emotions are part of our lives, why not try using them for once and see if it does not free you up in a very positive way.  Until the next time, have a wonderful journey and think about your destiny.  It is a beautiful thing.