True Destiny; If Life is a Journey, Why go it alone?

I have purposely taken a few days off from posting to rethink my purpose for writing, and at the same time, rekindle my passion. I had a long conversation with a family member a few days ago, and suffice it to say the results were anything but what I expected. Have you ever been waiting for the answer to a question that you never thought would come, and when it did, it only caused you to have a hundred other questions? Well the result of this conversation with the family member did just that. I was told in no uncertain terms that I had fallen flat on my butt, and I was fooling myself with what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it. All I could hear from the conversation is that what I wanted to do was not tangible. That it lacked substance and that if I was unable to answer this family members questions as to the "How, What, and Why", how could I expect to be able to walk in my vision. To all my male friends, envision a knee to the groin area, this will tell you how I was feeling after the conversation. To say that the wind had been knocked out of my sail is a gross understatement. I'm not sure I could have felt any lower, and I am very sure that I wanted to roll up in a little ball and just disappear for a long long time.

Many times you have heard me say that you need to surround yourself with people who support you and want the best for you. To all the others, kick them to the curb and move on. That is easier said then done when it involves family. Now I know that this person meant well and was only saying what they felt deep inside. I guess for me, I was a little taken back as I was unable to get my point across. No matter what I said it was thrown back in my face. Why hasn't my book been published? Why haven't I taken the steps necessary to get the company going? Why? Why? Why? Truth be told I didn't have answers to the questions, and subsequently have begun to wonder what am I doing right now, why am I doing it (or not doing it), and more importantly what do I do from this moment forward? Confidence is fleeting, and there are times when even the most positive person begins to have doubts and wonder what do I do now. I have never been one to set aside goals and dreams because they haven't come at a specific time. However, being human I am also prone to the same down moments that others deal with on a daily basis. I have doubts, fears, and anxiety just like everyone else. I think the toughest part of having the doubts and anxiety is that you quite often don't know what to do next, and that lends itself to self-doubt, and self-doubt leads to a perceived emptiness and fear. I wish I didn't have these emotions, but once again being human I am not immune to them, just as countless others are not immune either. When I tell you that I know what you are feeling during times of distress and anxiety it's not because I haven't felt them before, and I am quite sure that I will feel them again.

One of the areas that I was picked on during this conversation was the topic of my book, and just what did I think it would bring to society as a whole. I tried to explain that so many people are walking around today hopeless and not knowing what tomorrow brings. Are they destined to work a job they hate, simply because the mortgage or rent has to be paid, tuition for school is due, or there is nothing else for them to do? Another topic was how was I going to present this information in a way that would grab their interest and at the same time give them something to hang their hat on. Now before I began this discussion I thought I had a plan and that plan was going to work. Wish I could say I felt the same way today. I kept being told that I had to have something of substance and not just "Fluff". I never thought that what I had to say was just "Fluff" and that the delivery of my message was just as important as the message itself. I guess I was way off the mark and need to rethink my motives and the delivery of my message. Or is it my message at all. Is everything I have thought up till this point just "Fluff" with no substance? I guess maybe it's time to take a step back and determine if what I believe really has any value to others, and if there is no value, then why go through the process of putting it out there.

I guess I never thought that what I had in my heart was just for me, and no one else would benefit from it. I don't have a PHD to hang my hat on. I really don't have anything but a feeling. A feeling that says that everyone has a destiny and everyone should be given the opportunity to discover that destiny and walk in it. Those that know me will tell you that I do not do this for me, but rather, I do because of the compassion and love I feel for others. I have tried to lay down my dreams and feelings before. Each time I lay it down it seems to come back to the forefront without me having to do anything to get it there. I think my life would be much simpler if I just displayed that "Don't give a Damn" attitude toward others and just look out for number one. But that is not who I am, and that is not what I want to become. So here I am now trying to determine what my next step will be and more importantly will there be a next step.

I guess the next few days will dictate the direction I head in. If past history has anything to say about it, my guess is that my passion will still be there, but for now maybe it's time to take a break and see what happens. I guess you will have to be the judge of it. Until we meet again....